Bedtime

I often can't get to sleep before 1am. Even tho I'm really tired, it's like my body just won't do it. Christian is convinced it has something to do with the fact that my parents never let me stay up late... like I'm rebelling or something. I've always been a night-owl. It's midnight now & I'm very sleepy, but I know as soon as I lay down, my brain will start to swirl & I'll start thinking of all kids of stuff. Stuff I haven't thought of in years along with recent stuff:

• seeing my 5th grade teacher at Fishdance when I was in my mid-20s w/his boyfriend. I KNEW he was gay!
• dancing at a different club each night of the week & still being able to go to work & function the next day (again, back in my mid-20s)
• the day we put my dog, Muffin, to sleep
• tailgating at CSU games on warm fall days & then going to C&B Potts afterwards for chicken wings, quesadillas & fishbowl margaritas. Then later in the evening, we'd go to Gators to dance
• ex-boyfriends
• all my old apartments in Denver & the corresponding roommates
• the Cruise Room
• work
• my marriage
• vacations
• going to the Paramount on 16th St. Mall for happy hour because it was the only place with outdoor seating & then getting really hammered
• the night of debauchery
• the time I let this girl use me as her "model" to get her beauty license. She butchered my hair & I cried as she did it. Somehow she still managed to walk away w/a license. I got paid $100 & used it to go to a good salon & have them fix it
• the time Chrissy & I knocked on the inside window at a Starbucks as the Mayor & Governor walked by & waved (they waved back... lame!)
• the Almost Paradise prom at Sherman Tower
• walks around Wash Park
• spending hours at Twist & Shout listening to music & then not buying anything
• forking Morris, Darren, Jerry, Roger & whoever else we thought deserved it

All kinds of random shit goes thru my head. I notice that a lot of it is stuff that happened in Denver. I don't have those kinds of memories here. My life has been kind of boring since moving here. Probably because I don't have any real close friends. I know people, but I don't hang out with any of them. Most are work people. I've lost touch with the Nokia folks, since most have moved away or are raising families. Never really bonded w/anyone at TCS. And at my current place, I'm still testing the waters. I could see us hanging out w/my old boss & his wife. They're about 10 yrs older, but love going out. I think they'd be fun. I don't know if Christian would think so, but it might be worth a try. Other than that, there's no one. I think I need to join a club to meet people w/similar interests. Photography. TV. Movies. Cats. Something to introduce me to more people. I've been here almost 6 years & I don't have a single best/great friend. Lots of acquaintences, but nobody I could call on to talk or bond with. That makes me sad.

It's nearing 1am & my eyes are starting to get heavy. I hope I'm already relaxed enough to just go right to sleep. Oscar will jump up on the bed & try to find a comfy spot on the bed. Christian will toss & turn to get comfy & kick the covers off his right leg. Gracie will wander aimlessly around the house. And then we'll all fall asleep.